Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Day One... Productive yet disatserous x

Day one:
I had a rather productive day. I turned up to an interview a whole day late and still got the job!! LOL. I also started making some changes to myself, you can't change anyone else so start with yourself. I made a first step towards change, they say its that first step that's the hardest. It's true, but taking that step is a great feeling. Knowing a change will positively impact the rest of your life... Hopefully

I'm not sure who reads these anymore, maybe a few of you. Maybe none. Who knows.
I quite like to pour my heart out over these because sometimes I doubt that anyone reads them, it seems private; like a diary I suppose.

Dear you...
I hope you read this, a few months back, I would've been so sure that you would've.
Now; who knows. I remember meeting you, June 2007 - Palmers green Sainsburys.
We met my accident. Fate I suppose. I had brown linen trousers on and you had a white adidas jacket on, strange the things you remember.
You told me you liked curly hair as I gossiped with you and a mate. I felt comfortable with you straight away - unusual. I went past the cafe today & the man came out to ask where you were, recited your order as if we'd strolled in only the day before. That wasn't the case but memory is a weird thing. Memories. I stopped at a petrol station today, one we stopped at when we tried to watch The Simpsons in Romford, but got there too late. I was telling you about an orange dress before we pulled up there, you paid for your petrol & got me a pack of starburst on your way out. The pink packet - my favourite.
All of this in one day, then I come home to a bed you'd previously laid beside me in. Only this time, one side of the bed was empty. Three pillows stay cold on both sides, one toothbrush unused. Only one bowl of cake & custard.
It's weird how one person can affect so much, how so many things remind you of them. It's sad I suppose but happy at the same time. The memories bring back smiles, you can picture you both laughing at the most ridiculous things. I slept in your hoodie while you were away, never knowing the true extent of what you would become to me. Time makes a difference, feelings grow as well as fade.
I hope this won't be another used to be...

End of day one...

Nat x

Happy birthday Sabreena. Love you loads babe xxxxx

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