daddy?

You made your decision. You took the easy way out.

Your voice is one the child will never recognise. Your face a distant memory that your child can't quite put a name to. Thinking: no. Ermm. Oh. When it does remember it won't be daddy, it'll just be him. Your hugs - it never felt, your kiss was non existent.

Mum read all those books to me, I don't remember you tucking me in. Mum taught me how to ride my bike. Isn't that a dad's job? Sports day - you weren't there. I looked, I searched wishing you were there. My friend's dad's were.

Granddad had the talks with me you should have had. Uncle played football with me. I'm grown now - I wish I needed you. Time has passed and I'm used to life without you.
Take care

Well done guys...

It really is the most amazing feeling knowing that hard work has paid off.
I suppose input = output.
Those long and late nights studying, the sleepless nights & endless worry ensured I passed my A Levels with sufficient grades to get into my first (firm) choice uni.

Brunel here I come...
Now I know I'm in my uni; I wonder what grades I got. Hmmm... Hurry up 12:00!!!

Will update later,
Love (an elated) Nat x

Ms James - This is who I am

So whats new!
Contemplating with myself about who I really am... Really who am I?

So there's Natalia James. 5"6... All the basic bits.
Really I'm a female who pushes people away before they get close enough for her to love.
Who makes boundaries where there shouldn't be any.
Who makes her own rules.

Sometimes I'm so lost in a world of my own that I forget there's others here.
So I guess I'm inconsiderate too.

I fall in love, well I have. Then its a long hard cycle trying to get over them. Real.
I've spent time trying to work out why this happens. All that happened was I felt sorry for myself. Silly.

I ignore the right guy and fall for the wrong one. Then wonder why I'm hurt.
At times I'm delusional. I always attempt to see the best in people.
I think that people are being friendly because its the person they are.
That is rarely the case.

I stick to material items because I know they won't hurt me. They can't leave.
I am not materialistic. Really they mean nothing to me.
I'd give everything up to be half the person some of you are.

I say you all made me who I am. Really half of you don't see the person I am.
I wear a mask 3/4 of the time. More time I'm insecure about ALOT.
I always think whoever I'm with will leave me for someone with bigger boobs. Seems silly.
I also think when I love someone they'll leave.
Nick you were my best friend. Where are you now?

I realise that people drift apart. Yet I take it personally.
I think so highly of you, that when we drift apart. I'll feel the same.

All that you've just read doesn't come across as me, yet it is who I am.
Love Nat x

Ermm... Aloha

Some situations have an obvious answer. Until you are in the situation yourself.
Then what's the answer?

Who knows?

You have to struggle to find the answer for yourself. Heart ache now to ease future heart break. Maybe. Only time will tell.

With Love,
Nat x

Could you ?

To place the mercy of one's life in the hands of another, how ethical can that be? Can it ever be jusified to permit one human to play God with the life of another? One decision, one word, one signiture. All made in a split second will decide the future of two - the entirity of the rest of their lives. Can you ever have given it enough thought, contemplated enough? Maybe one second longer would have resulted in a alternative decision. Could you make the right choice? Would you ever be able to forgive yourself?

What if the decision was based on the opinion of another or a conscience that would never belong to you? Could you still have unrelented faith in the decision you had made or would you realise the deicison was never really yours?

Could you enable someone to permit you to take the life of another? Remember only you give the go-ahead. The consequencey will inevitably be faced by you even if the decision wasn't solely made there.
Only you can decide your future, any mistake you make will be reciprocated upon yourself. Karma.

When noone is by your side, your corner is empty and the world places it's troubles upon your burdened shoulders, the faith you have in yourself is unmistakable, unbreakable and irreplacable.
Make your decision. Yours

Love Nat xx

Days in the life of Natalia...x

Sim Sim, Ms Naked lmao... Love her really... Aint she a beauty!! xx

Jakeyy Babyy!! Hyde Park day 1 lol!! x

The girls, love em!! Love em loads!! My belly looks massive tho hahaha xx

Myself & My baby Chloe. My conscience, my world, my angel!! Love ya bubs xx

Pure Envy Sundays, I love my outfit lmao!! xx

At home before I go out. All bloody smiles here!! xx

Old school Natalia... This is how I used to look on a daily basis lmfao!! Pure gel & curl activator hahaha

Click your life away...

Hey world.. Well London & whoever else happens to stumble across this...

I am a Londoner. I was not born here but I was raised here. I have a London mentality and struggle to leave the polluted London air for more than a week. Would I be able to cope living away from London for a prolonged period in order to gain deferred gratifiation? If the end justified the means could I move?

Why when I struggle with something here do I look to leave London? Maybe the busy life gets a bit much and I would like to live life at a slower pace. I chose to stay at a London uni to maintain my life as it is, wanting to remain a constant. Can you make decisions based around others? Would success be as satisfying or would you feel like there was something you lacked?

One decision could be the basis for the entirity of your future. The click of one button, on one website persoinified as your entire future. The people you'll meet, the job you'll get, the neighbourhood you'll live in etc... It's a crazy reality.

Anyway...
Love, Live, Life, Proceed, Progress. Do the best you can I suppose, carpe diem & all of that lol... Nat x

Paint for me.

If I gave you a paint brush and asked you to replicate us, how would you do it?

Would you be very abstract and let the paint brush guide you because you never made plans for us. You simply let us be.

Would you do hard strokes for the times I'd let you down or possibly angered you? Would you paint softly when remembering times I'd made you laugh or told you how proud I was?

Could you explain the picture to me if I asked or would it make perfect sense to me?

A mirror wouldn't cut it because I don't want to see us as an identical reflection. I want to see us how you see us.

Would you show me?
Love Nat x

Ms James-Ferguson

Hello there...

I am a firm believer that everyone should play their role.
So play yours or fuck off.
Whatever that role may be - father, friend or lover. Simple.
If you struggle then let me know, we can discuss alternatives - Maybe.


With Love
Nat x

What I'm currently listening to... Love it!

LOL!

'give me some head that'll really piss her off'

After speaking to Chantae. This was the definitive sentance of the convo! Lmao

Someone's forward!! haha

[23:05]

Good evening/night...
So here I am, sitting in my mum's front room. Glass of Pimms & lemonade, just finished Nandos, watching I think I love my wife.

Sometimes we ask questions we don't really want to know the answer to. So why do it?
It is that we actually feel we need to know? Pride? or that curiosity will flip us over and land a hard kick to our backs if we don't? Who knows..

I spoke to my girl Nat earlier and decided NOTHING is more powerful than a woman's intuition. Not a single thing in this world.
Usually when a woman decides something, she is right. She'll either turn detective on you and go deep with the MI5 ishh or she'll get up and leave.
How she reacts determines his next action. Hence the power held by the intuition of women.

For the women who notice something but stay Tamia knows exactly where you're coming from and men; when she stops crying, stops arguing. She has well & truly given up.

Love Nat x

[15:40]

Woooiiiii...
Friday afternoon, I'm resting up before work tonight. Some mad event at Scala lmao!!
Okay rant for now...
I have had just about enough of guys who think its fucking acceptable to talk to ex's, in a manner that is more than friendly. NO. It's not cool, no bloody way. Talking friendly is cool, anything that crosses the line is a violation.

'She's still phoning you, I see txts there too. For all I know you two could be sexing too'

In the wonderfully wicked world of Natz. That stuff is unacceptable. Blah, blah, blah...

Think what you like,
Love Nat x

[04:10]

Hey,
It's weird how one person can make you feel so insecure about yourself. How one person has the control to do such a thing. What a mad world...
I am in desperate need of a holiday. Deeper need than ever before. I have been dillusional about the past 8/9 months of my life. That's mad. Some deeper emotional isshhh.
I need a hug, Nick where are you??

You can't force someone to love you, either they do or they don't. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. You, however, need to have limits. You can't take whatever someone will throw at you in the name of love. The word love is abused by the world. If someone makes you feel like shit, like the world is crumbling around you or like you are not worth half of what you are - they don't love you. Don't believe if they say they do, they did or they will. They won't.

'Love is patient, love isn't always kind. Love will make you smile, cry and wonder; it'll never be perfect but perfection isn't reality. Love is not settling because what you have is all you have ever wanted, it fulfills all your wants and needs. It's a smile when you're down, a shoulder to cry and someone to share yourself with'

Off to bed now,
I'll face the world tomorrow.
Love Nat x

Melanie Fiona...

She is actually AMAZING...
I youtube'd her & found this...
Ladies I know you can relate!!!

Ms James...

I will inspire. I want to inflict & enforce change - a positive change. This is why I need to teach. If as a teacher, I cannot inspire. I am failing in my role & failing society.

I am not selling you a dream. I'm stating my future.
Those who doubt, truly will see.

Nat x

A sexier side of me!!

Hey gorgeous's!!

Well love didn't work out well for me!! Lol. Maybe next time! Who knows?

What do you do when love's lost? Throw out all but your favourite underwear & invest in La Senza!!
Book a holiday... Dubai July 09!! Woooiiiii & invest in something that will make you happy! Mini... Soon come!!!
Oh & get a new look... Brown filled with Blonde higlights baby!!! So far the response is good!!
Oh by the way... I'm done with the Ms Independent stuff. My next Mr can treat me like a princess!! Lucky him... haha

Off out for a night of cocktail fuelled fun!!
Will update later
Nat x

Day 2: Contemplative...

Hmmm...
Thinking, maybe it shouldn't always be done. Some things should be suppressed into the unconscious and forgotten about for all eternity. Others need precise thinking. How do you know which one is required? I suppose you never know, trial and error... Either it works for you or you're not a happy bunny!!

Never Live In Regret
Regret Was Solely Made For Rehabilitation
Rehabilitation Was Made For Change
The Key To Change Is Knowing What Needs To Be Achieved
If You Want Answers You Need To Ask Questions
If You Want Results You Need To Take Action

YTL 26.10.08

Thought provoking, think literally - a stream of consciousness - decide your own interpretation.

It's funny how when you least try to think of someone, something will trigger a memory of them... Mad stuff. I need a holiday. Sun, sea, cocktails & bikini's. Bikini's & tans :)

I start at Scala tomorrow. Wish me luck!!
Nat x

Day One... Productive yet disatserous x

Day one:
I had a rather productive day. I turned up to an interview a whole day late and still got the job!! LOL. I also started making some changes to myself, you can't change anyone else so start with yourself. I made a first step towards change, they say its that first step that's the hardest. It's true, but taking that step is a great feeling. Knowing a change will positively impact the rest of your life... Hopefully

I'm not sure who reads these anymore, maybe a few of you. Maybe none. Who knows.
I quite like to pour my heart out over these because sometimes I doubt that anyone reads them, it seems private; like a diary I suppose.

Dear you...
I hope you read this, a few months back, I would've been so sure that you would've.
Now; who knows. I remember meeting you, June 2007 - Palmers green Sainsburys.
We met my accident. Fate I suppose. I had brown linen trousers on and you had a white adidas jacket on, strange the things you remember.
You told me you liked curly hair as I gossiped with you and a mate. I felt comfortable with you straight away - unusual. I went past the cafe today & the man came out to ask where you were, recited your order as if we'd strolled in only the day before. That wasn't the case but memory is a weird thing. Memories. I stopped at a petrol station today, one we stopped at when we tried to watch The Simpsons in Romford, but got there too late. I was telling you about an orange dress before we pulled up there, you paid for your petrol & got me a pack of starburst on your way out. The pink packet - my favourite.
All of this in one day, then I come home to a bed you'd previously laid beside me in. Only this time, one side of the bed was empty. Three pillows stay cold on both sides, one toothbrush unused. Only one bowl of cake & custard.
It's weird how one person can affect so much, how so many things remind you of them. It's sad I suppose but happy at the same time. The memories bring back smiles, you can picture you both laughing at the most ridiculous things. I slept in your hoodie while you were away, never knowing the true extent of what you would become to me. Time makes a difference, feelings grow as well as fade.
I hope this won't be another used to be...

End of day one...

Nat x


Happy birthday Sabreena. Love you loads babe xxxxx

21/04/09 [21:28]

Can you love someone so much that it blinds your true rational feelings?
What if that love made you act in a way which was alien even to yourself...
Could you blame the person for leaving?
Even when you know they deserve so much more than you are ever likely to be able to give?
Would you be selfish & try to win them back or do what's best for them & leave them to be happy; even if the only way they are likely to be happy is with someone else?

If you would try to win them back you never truly loved them. Love is wanting someone to be happy, regardless of who it is with. Wanting what is best for them, even if it isn't what's best for you. That selfless, emotion fuelled love. It makes people do crazy things, maybe it's because they wear a mask. Thinking that the mask creates a person that their loved one will eternally love back. It's a shame it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you long for your own happiness so much that what you really have is blinded by the rose coloured glasses that you didn't even realise you were wearing; when this happens - expect to lose something. When you do, who can you blame? Yourself. It doesn't make it feel any better, it won't make you smile and it will take a while to get over. Especially if what you lose is the one you love...

Nat x

Quick thought...

Sometimes you learn the hard way.
'Man has to experience the fall to gain greater rewards'

So I guess today I'll struggle but tomorrow will be a better day.
Well maybe not such a short time scale but the theory's there. Fingers crossed!

Love,
Nat x

I'm back..

Dear all...
Today I feel like shit. You know one of those days when your hair just doesn't go right, your make up just doesn't feel right and the iron just seems to crease your clothes but you still have to leave your house. Work. The joys of being an adult.

I recently moved house. I'm not sure if I like it much. I suppose it takes time getting used to. Big changes. Maybe I prefer stability. Living alone is kinda lonely and my housemates are never here. It's like waking up and there's no-one home. Lol, weird feeling. I don't quite know anyone elses routine here yet, maybe once I work it out I'll feel more at home.

Truth be told, I have never felt more loney. I see who's really there and who isn't. To those that have been there, I'll never forget it and appreciate it more than you know. I spent time with my nan today, she came all the way from Derby to wish me well. Nan. I know you'll read this. Thankyou, I love you and appreciate the advice. I will also consider what you said. You see through a smile, know that behind sparkly eyes are tears just waiting to fall. I needed you and you knew without me even telling you. Truely you are an angel. Maybe this was more a letter to you than a blog. Some things are easier to type on here than to say to you, I hope you can understand that.

Love,
Nat x

PS. I now have the internet :) better updates soon!!!

Dear Loren...

Loren well [Lauren Harper] lol
My angel, my rock. My wonderwoman.
I am so sorry I didn't wish you happy birthday yesterday, I tried to stay up until 23:59:59 but failed miserably and fell asleep!
You have been there for me through so much, ups and downs etc.
No-one has shocked me as much as you have over the years.
I am lucky to have you as a friend and the love is eternal. Always & Forever.
I love you Rock Chicken [Remember that?]
Mwahhhh
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What a way to wake up!!

Sometimes I see things that make me emotional...
Whether that emotion be positive or negative, its an emotion nonetheless.
Having fallen asleep at about 11 last night with facebook on, I woke up to an indirect.
Initially, I was vex. STUPID TRAMP!!!
Then it made me laugh. These girls throwing their toys out of their prams!

Over the years, females have recieved more equality, rights etc
Yet still some want to live as if it was still the 40's... Women CAN work now.
Go get a job you lazy cows. Having a baby is no excuse.
You find someone to watch your kids so you can rave.
So unemployed women; I urge you all.
Call upon your babyfathers [LMFAO], your parents, your current 'boyfriends', or whoever
But please, please, please stop wasting my taxes in raves.

Take Note: Indirecting me when you are not only a waste of oxygen but are far from a looker is not in your best interests. The same female that indirected me, was my inspiration for 'unlimited controversial views' (Click older posts). Haha

Elsewhere:

• I'm STILL FLAT HUNTING kmt..
• I have realised asos.com will eventually bankrupt me... I need to block it on my web browser, if you know how. Let me know!!
• Budgeting at £40 a week was disasterous. Maybe next week...

On that note I'm off to get ready...
Much love
Nat x

It's my life...

Miss James: Stubborn

I set realistic goals and limits a few days ago.
There is only so much I will take before I give up.
I'm only human.
If you make me a promise & break it. I'll forgive you.
I'll never forget. I'll never take another one seriously.
Eventually, I'll do exactly what I like, regardless of who likes it.
I never degrade or disrespect myself, so doing what I like doesn't affect my integrity.
I will cut my nose of to spite my face. I will not end up broken. I'll glue the pieces back together.

'Don't say you will, unless you will' 'If you hurt me then I'll have to hurt you'

Miss James: Loyal

Once I have love for someone, I'm there.
If you once had millions and are now borrowing. I'll open my purse to you.
If once you were always smiling and are now in tears. I'll give you my shoulder.
If you once owned six houses and are now homeless. I'd give you my bed.
I don't expect the same back from everyone. I'm realistic.

Miss James: Realist

Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is longer than life.
Love eventually will hurt.
People will let you down. The people will be the ones you cared for most.
Nothing will hurt more than losing your number one. It will happen.
Bad hair days are inevitable.
You can't always feel pretty.
You will get with a guy/girl who's ex is better looking than you.
If he makes you feel insecure it will NEVER last; or it will and you'll be left a broken person.
The person you least expect to be the one, will provide eternal happiness.
Dreams are a fragment of our imagination. 98% of them will not come true.
I don't care for dreams because I live in reality, I'm not optimistic. I state my future.
People will doubt you, show them your ability.


People never get the flowers when they can still smell them.

Love Nat x

Is time really a healer?

They say that with time it all gets better....
Your grief will lessen as another day draws to an end
Tomorrow you'll feel that bit better about a love lost
Tomorrow's another day closer to your release date

What is so special about tomorrow?

RIP. Warren, Cherise & Chantelle.
I love and miss you all as much as I did on the day you first left.
You cross my mind all the time, I wonder what you'd be like if you were still here.
Warren, I wonder if I'll bump into you whenever I walk near the shop near your house. Silly I know, I know you're gone but even 4 years on it still doesn't seem real.
Cherise, I wonder what an angel you'd be now, what your laugh would sound like. If as a little girl you'd even like me! Picturing your first words, first steps, first day at school. None that we'll ever get to see.
Chantelle, in your short life you taught me a lot. Never to give up, to fight even when winning seems much further away than losing. That even when you're in death's arms to smile. You were a true beauty. An absolute angel

Nat x

Sometimes I NEED your help...

Today I am happy.
Yesterday I was cold. LOL. Yes my house has heating!

Why do all heels on sale at the moment have platforms on them?
These are the only nice ones I have seen so far...

Yes, they are Ed Hardy's. Ed Hardy has become common and not so sexy. These however, are an exception. I would buy them but I'm not sure how US sizes work and am VERY wary about buying off ebay.

If you are going to the US any time soon, get in touch. I have decided that I NEED these in my life. I don't mind the colour. I am a UK size 5.

Thanks x

Sign of a true friend...

Quick blog again... Getting lazy!!

I got a txt today which said
'If I ever met your man I'd tell him he was blessed with a beautiful, intellectual girlfriend who is destined for greater things than even she could imagine. I hope he knows how lucky he really is.'

Dear friend,
Thankyou, I know you read this. Your text meant more to me than you initially pictured.
You know sometimes I'm insecure, that I doubt myself. That sometimes I need to be reassured that I'm good enough and that I'll put on a mask and pretend, even to you that everything's okay and that I'm as confident as others believe.
I doubt you will ever meet the Mr. Highly doubt it but the next time I see you I'll buy you a frap whilst we discuss my ever changing plans for the future. Thankyou for having an ever lasting belief in my capability.
Hopefully I'll make you proud.
Love
Nat x


Dominique,
You are an angel, truly heaven sent. I'd be lost without you.
Love you xxx

Good Morning... Oooh Oooh Oooohhh Oooohhh Ooohhhh [Kanye!]

Morning world.
It's actually a really cold morning so I'm struggling to get out of bed, maybe I'll stay here for an extra half an hour!! I've got a headache and my knees are hurting so I'm worse for wear...

Work at 9:45... I wonder if I can sleep until 8:30.
These birds are really loud. Arrrgggghhhh
The title is a song. Good Morning - Kanye West [Graduation: Track One]
Nat x

Reality Check...

Sometimes when you feel the world is on your shoulders. It's really at your feet, only you're too blind/ignorant to notice it.

When you feel the world is against you. You're probably against the world. You're one person you can't fight alone. Trust me. You need someone in your corner, even if it's just to cheer you on.

Today I bumped into an old friend. Actually a friend, not an old 'friend' like in the movies. lol. He made me realise the extent of change I have made since school. Okay, so it's been years since I finished school. Time is a great thing. Limited as it is.

True friends prevail when you need them most. Pop up in the most random places and times in your life and somehow always know the right thing to say. A deeper connection. To all my friends. You are my world, my rock, my [almost] everything and I love [most] of you dearly. Thankyou for everything you have done for me so far and everything you are likely to do for me in the future. If I lose some of you along the way, you have added to me and made my life what it is so far, good or bad. It's all necessary life experience. x

Love will only work if you can see through the tough spots, pride has to go at some point. It hurt's inevitably. Try and live it out. Make sacrifices if you have to. Love makes you vulnerable yet it's an amazing and rare feeling. Sounds a bit mad to me.... blah blah blah. Someone's emotional

The grass is always greener on the other side.
If someone is in a relationship. STAY AWAY. Trust me, eventually someone will get hurt, maybe its because you can't have something you want it. Grass is greener on the other side... etc.






Looks the same on both side's to me






Elsewhere:

Cadbury's cream eggs are nice :)

I'm starting to think Jade Goody is taking the piss with the press. I kinda understand why tho.

Rhi is coming to London!!! Woooooooooo. Missed ya gorgeous x

Ermm. That's about it.
Nat x

Hmmm...

'If you hurt me then I'll have to hurt you, but if I hurt you. Will you desert me?'

Funny picture really...


Why does it always appear that things go wrong all at once? I suppose it could be worse. I could be that guy.

Unlimited controversial views....

Simply because today I'm in a rush somewhat I'll attempt to leave the thought provoking questions out & get straight to the point.

FACEBOOK HAHAHAHHAHAHA.... Why did I ever attempt to leave?

I completely understand that not every relationship can work.
Sometimes there are irreconcilable circumstances....
Where there's a baby involved, it becomes less about what you want and ONLY about what's best for your baby...
Well in the real world. I suppose in some distant facebook reality, it's simply about what looks good online.

Here's something I stumbled across little more than 5 minutes ago:
'My baby said daddy & I told her it was a naughty word'

I was stunned into silence momentarily... WOW
Jaw dropping. I'm actually still shocked... Ermm Nat its 09, that's nothing but yeah that's a bit mad!!
YOU F**KING SELFISH COW. Maybe mummy doesn't need daddy but your baby does.

If this is what the world has become... I knew it was a sad, bad place but I was shocked. Maybe I live life wearing rose coloured glasses, oblivious to the negative aspects of life... who knows. That to me is too much. Nat it's not your business, why do you care? No, no, no... these are the kids that are going to be the 'older ones' (when I in the distant future have kids) in my children's schools, environment etc... No no no. It's not cool.

Elsewhere:

• Not much at all... Friday raving is DEAD
• Mile end Nando's is slightly impressive
• White choco dips are WOW. Get involved. 49p at a shop near you!!
• I'm putting myself on a £40 a week budget. Wish me luck :)
• Some people go raving just to take pictures. Less of the camera and more raving please. Constant camera flashes whilst attempting to enjoy myself is rather off putting. Thanks
  

[A deeply saddened] Nat x

NO MEANS NO... Now Piss Off

Is there a bleak side to excitement?
The harmonious thunder of a calm day... Get it?
The shadow cast as the sun lay in its mid day pose... Straight down the middle and beams directly over head.... [for those who are unaware, mid day is the only time the sun creates NO shadow!]

Sometimes there is no answer to a question, sometimes the answer is evident. Some hide from the truth, to protect themselves or to fool themselves into a reality which never existed.
GUYS... Why will you never take no for an answer?
Do not be persistent. I hate that, it doesn't prove how much you care. Its just annoying. Do not run me down. The boyfriend vacancy is filled. How can I help you? I can't

I don't fancy a sideline guy, I have enough friends, I don't wanna come to your rave or model for your clothing line/be in your video.
No I won't add you on my PlayStation, you can't txt me details of upcoming events and I don't need a lift home.
I'm fine without your discount, I don't care who you know & no I'm not coming to the after party in your hotel. PS. Its not your hotel, its a room you rented out. Along with your car LMFAO
No, I don't know who you are... I don't particularly care. I don't care what car you drive, get in it and drive off. I don't want you to buy me a drink, I can buy my own. How about I buy you one and then you piss off?
If you really wish to buy me one. I'm drinking Dom Perignon Rose. Still wanna buy one? LOL

These are a few of the awful lines I've heard. Guys stop saying 'I just wanna be your friend'
Ermm. No you don't, be real. I'd respect that more.
'I'm not talking to your man; I'm talking to you' <- No you're not. Bye...
Do not follow me down the street either. Stalker.
Taking girls numbers on the side of the road makes you look desperate and like you have no home. Go to flex. There's 'too many' girls in there.

Rant finished, about time!!

The International is awful. Don't even buy it off the Chinese guy/woman.

I'm eagerly anticipating X Men Origins: Wolverine...

Tina Turner is 69... That's how you stack! 50 years in the industry. Lifetime achievement award is due...

Chris Brown & Rihanna got married in P Diddy's mansion. PARRR. She needs to let him know she wants a proper wedding.

I hate people who walk slow/carry those trolley suitcases on London Underground pre 9 am. If this is you, please, please STOP. Thanks...

I worked out my iPod issue. Next job: Apple engineer, I think....

Poppadom's - Brick Lane. EAT THERE :) It's actually really nice! Very impressive I must say!
I was there last night with the Mr and the food was gorgeous... Definitely a recommended place!!! Get involved!

Love,
Nat x

NO CHEESECAKE...

The fridge was far from bare but certainly lacked in cheesecake.
Instead I ate digestive biscuits and strawberries.
I also found a 'Kick' in my fridge from my nights at Liquid.
I wonder if its still safe to drink....
Hopefully it'll keep me awake through the day!!

• Must go to Tesco tomorrow :)

How can there be strawberries and a 'Kick' in my fridge but NO CHEESECAKE?? Makes NO sense
No point sleeping now, college in a couple hours.
Good Morning!!

Believe in change....

Does a leopard ever change it's spots?
If I see the same ladybird today and then again next year will it have another spot?
If I see you next month will you be wearing the same mask you are today?
Will you pretend to be the same person you're pretending to be today?

It is inevitable that change does occur... isn't it?
Well Obama's president... Ermm, there's always a president. [Cough - he's black]... Nah hun, he's mixed race -- a lightie!!!
I can't argue that social attitudes don't change, that has been proven time and time again, but do people change or is personality something innate? Something deeply embedded in a person?
Would you believe a person could change to suit your own longing feeling? To satisfy something inside yourself... When in reality the change you're hoping for will never happen.

Can a hug and a kiss change opinions? Black out the bleak past and open the curtain to a bright, shining future? Would you change for someone you love? OR would the change be to better yourself? OR do you simply place a new mask on when around your loved one to imitate a change that has not and will never happen?

Does compromise count as change? Is it going far enough... Will it ever be enough?

To be on the safe side we should all probably be optimistic for change.
To hope for what may realistically change and be aware that a change isn't always possible.
Hillary Clinton should take note. You will never be president.
I'll keep open minded to change.... More fool me, maybe... Who knows?

Blah... Blah... Blah Nat....

Elsewhere in my world...

I stayed in an expensive hotel - £240 per night. I trashed the place, well sorta. I'll upload pics ASAP. Have a gd laugh haha!

Self imposed raving bans do not work... Rave in moderation

Cold custard is the best...

My love affair with Starbucks is back!!

I have fallen in love. LMAO. Well I've just decided to share this with the world. Well not the world, Loren & Talisha :) and anyone else who decides to read this!!!
I'm sorry girls, I didn't mean to, it just sorta happened!!
Just wish me luck and if it all fails, buy me a malibu & pineapple... [this excludes Talisha - buy me a sambucca and a malibu and coke!!!]

I have a new iPod... Wooo! Not all of my tunes are going on. If you know how to fix this get in touch.

Flat hunting.... I'm still unsuccessfully doing it. I'll put the lottery on later. If I win, I'm buying an apartment in Belgravia. Wish me luck with this also!

X Men Origins - Wolverine. 29th April. I WILL BE THERE. Storm was a cute baby! Awww lol

I should be sleeping, instead I'm craving cheesecake... Off to the kitchen I go!!!

Much Love,
Nat x

Uneducated, Unemployed & Living for free

I sit here listening to Keyshia Cole - A different me. Its great. Buy it, download it... whatever! Get hold of it!! After a long-ish day at college, I have a few spare hours before work. I use the term spare loosely; it simply means I can squeeze an hour of revision in and actually have time to eat! Lol

A reoccurring issue for me is scroungers. My pay slip came through the post today. I got taxed over £200 PISSED!! So I go to work and put the work in whilst certain people live off of this tax, some even go raving with MY TAXES... Needless to say I'm far from happy about this. The government need to stop attempting to redistribute money and stop handing it out so freely.

The WORST ones are the young babymothers. KMT
Uneducated, unemployed and raving every weekend as well as every Tuesday & Thursday.
It's weird, about 75% of these under 21 year old babymothers are single.
Sorry. Nobody made you get pregnant did they? NO
You can find someone to watch the baby for you to rave, why not get someone to watch them so you can work. KMT.
Oh, how controversial Nat... Quite frankly I don't care. Really... Yes really
GET A F**KING JOB, GO TO COLLEGE... DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE
Oh and the next time you wish to talk about 'people like me' remember that people like me pay for your house, that drink you're buying in faces and those heels on your feet.

My views may shock people who know me. Particularly since I come from a lone-parent family, am a passionate sociologist and come from a 'young' mother.
My mum had me at 20. She finished her degree in biomedical sciences and has ALWAYS worked. Do NOT attempt to tell me it can't be done. You're just lazy.

I wish I could apologise for offending anyone, but I can't.
If you are offended by this, there is something inside you that tells you, you relate to this.
In which case, my views are put forth to you. It saddens me to know you believe you are owed something and will happily rave on my taxes.
I have controversial views, you will not all agree. I'm not asking you to. I don't particularly care if you don't.

N.B. Child benefit is meant for the child, although you may not be far from a child yourself, it isn't meant for those little extras you believe you deserve.

Love,
Nat x

The penultimate one...

Penultimate: one before final.

So therefore, a penultimate relationship is the ex.
Are ex's ever really left in the dark?
Or are they reminders of what we once had?
Do they simply act as comparison charts for what we now have?
Is it best to leave them in the dark?

Ex's can often complicate new relationships, trigger insecurities in your new partner or they can also act as amazing friends. Who knows you better than a person you spent years with?
If you once loved someone, do those feelings simply fade into a meaningless past, or are they put to the side until you find someone new to love?
To hate someone, you must have loved them at one point. Someone you have never loved does not have the power to trigger hate in a person.

'I love you' Arguably the most powerful words in English language.
I hate you: certainly the most hurtful.
Why is it that the line between love and hate is so fine.
Both strong emotions, deeply personal etc.

What is love?
Its different, it changes, it holds no barriers, is forgiving, knows of no wrong, is patient, is kind etc...
Basically love is putting yourself at the mercy of another, to make yourself vulnerable to another being who could crush you as if you were a small ant, and they the boot of an army commander.
So what's so great about it?
Its easy to get into (per se) and harder to overcome than a drug addiction.
Not much. It can be short lived then you aren't smiling are you?

Anyway...

Cold turkey is over. I'm back on facebook. I know you missed me!! I lasted 2.5 days lol

Flat hunting is not going as well as hoped

I'm oblivious to how much I weigh. I'm not sure if I ever wish to know.

I got the love tattoo on my wrist for my little sister. It says love. She doesn't even know why, one day I'll explain it all properly to her. Zara I love you x There's a story behind all of my tattoo's except the 'Natalia' one... waste of skin used haha

Love,
Nat x

02:49

Hi guys. My name's Natalia & I have a problem...
[Hi Natalia]
I'm a facebook addict. [Sits down on chair with rest of circle!] LMAO...

16 exams between May 4th / June 18. Revision is imperative, 100% necessary, must be done.
Facebook was not helping my life. Lack of self control! haha
I spontaneously decided yesterday that I would delete it.

Day one. Cold Turkey.

Dear Facebook,
I'm beginning to miss you. Status update ideas keep coming to me. Hard times.
I logged on to MSN today (a world I left when I fell for your charm), it was alien to me and so I logged back out. The internet seemingly becomes worthless when I'm not social networking. Look what you have done to me.
Thanks for ruining my life,
Nat x

After consideration, I do kinda miss facebook, but grades are more important. I then realised that we are always social networking, it is inevitably an integrated part of everyday life in today's society. I switch on my PS3 and I'm networked. Blackberry pins. Facebook. Myspace. MSN. MSN. Even on this... What a sad reality we roam!

On a lighter note, I have discovered I can get away with almost anything :)

I have also done vast amounts of holiday shopping. I can't wait for June!!! Wooooo

Passport pictures are not made to look nice. They're just made.

Adam and Eve had two sons Cain & Abel. They also had another one called Seth. Apparently. Oh, and Adam passed on secret teachings to Seth before his death. These teachings came to be known as Kaballah.... I was doing some research with the Mr & we found this out. How interesting!!

Misha posted this on facebook before I deleted it...
Its actually funny!!!



Nat x

Good Morning...

Sometimes you don't have many options, does this make the choice easier?
Sometimes you can have the world at your feet when all you want is your home.
If too many options is difficult to comprehend... Welcome to my world!

If I have too many options, I tend to get irrational and struggle with choice.
Welcome to the real world Nat... Make all your own options.
When I make the wrong one, I can't press back and rectify them, alter them or change my mind.
Live with the consequences. Wake up and smell the coffee, you've made your bed... etc

Here's one example:
1. Uni?

• Yes (Go to question 2)
  
• No (Go to question 3)
  

2. Which uni to go to?

• Loughborough
• Kent
• Brunel
• Nottingham
• Roehampton
• Wait until clearing and select 'other'

3. What to do with yourself/myself now?

• Get a 9-5 office job
• Teaching assistant
• Be a bum, wasting days away being unemployed & sleeping
• Turn into a teenage mother (prob. associated with the above)
• Get other more flexible education
• Do ANOTHER course at college
• Have other job for the otherwise uneducated!

A question which initially had two answers, has turned into the million 'dollar/pound/euro' question. This is a question which currently puzzles me and leaves me in a confused, contemplative yet seemingly lost mode.
My morals and upbringing, led me to believe I had no choice and had to go to uni. My grandmother and mother have both been to uni. If I involved my mother, the choice inevitably would not be mine (I wish people would stop attempting to live vicariously through me!!) Its highly likely I will go to uni, I want my offspring to be middle class! This CANNOT happen if both parents are not educated. [ie. I will not be having kids with anyone educated to less than degree level. Snobbish? Really? I far from care]

Anyway... beside that!
I recently realised class A drugs are far more socially acceptable than I initially believed.
This was shocking. I'm still shocked. Eye opener!

I have a new love for vimto sweets! Yum...

Will Smith is the sexiest 'middle aged man' in the world!

Baby bumps are sexy... Lisa ur a stunner!! :)

Loren inspires me greatly. Masks are not to hide who you are, they're to protect you. Like superheroes. X-Men don't wear them though, we probably shouldn't. I love her more than she knows. She's my hero. Second to Obama. Sorry babe!

Flat hunting...

Okay...
So I've been looking for somewhere new to live...
I have a nice paying job so I can afford the rent!
BUT I'm a student. No one seems to want to rent to students!

I found somewhere I fell head over heels in love with, it was gorgeous!
We got contracts and everything then the landlord found out we were students and requested a £6,000 deposit. RIDICULOUS!!!
So that fell through. Sad times!

I went to look at a few properties today (before & after work!)
I felt so deceived! They looked nothing like their pictures.
One I didn't even go inside the outside was so awful!!
Note to landlords: take realistic pictures please. Thanks

I'm back to looking AGAIN!! I have just found 3 places which are suitable.
One I'm in LOVE with... it has a lovely retro-ish look!!
And two which I wouldn't mind living in.
For 'wouldn't mind living in' do I really want to move out of my mums?
Would I switch to doing everything for myself?

For the one that I would love to live it, it doesn't appear to be an issue.
Ahhh... Many, many thoughts. I'll blog again after I've looked again tomorrow!

PS. I can totally sympathise with people who move out using the council. I'm bored of flat hunting now. If this boredom continues I'm not moving! haha.

OH AS SOON AS I MOVE IN... Someone buy me this as my housewarming gift please...
http://www.bluesurfart.com/obama-i-p-10032.html?zenid=9e7foegrn6jmca6gcc77j54u62

Hello There...
I'm new to blogspot.com, they should have a welcome party for me!! lol
I have no reason to make a blog.
I am not an international model, I don't do music or make t-shirts.
Everyone else will claim to be/do one of the above.
I just jumped on the bandwagon.
Loren & Rude Kid have one... So I wanted one too!
I'm also highly opinionated... Facebook wasn't the place to vent.
Maybe this will be better :)

I have a secret love affair with my PS3.
Which is now broken.
Street Fighter 4 is released in 2 days. I will have my copy.
But NO console. KMT
My dargy, homeslice, good friend, ex collegue Talisha [Thai Leisha] came to rescue.
She loves me. I love her dearly also.
I will be playing at her's on the 20th. Good times!
The pic is myself & Talisha. One of our numerous happy occasions!


I have also been told I am not homely.
I tried to work on this. I FAILED. Sorry!
I get agitated at home and feel the need to do something.
I do however now love cooking. Come round for lunch... Maybe!

Parents on FB... It should not be allowed
Warren's mum was telling him about 'migrane skank' LMFAO!!!
If my mum made a fb I'd report it as a fake profile until it got deleted!! haha
My nan however made a fb. She tried to add me today. Shes still in my 'people who want to add you pile' LOL. Sorry nan. I love you and stuff... But you know!!!

I tried to holiday shop today. It seems nowhere sells bikini's ect yet.
Maybe I'll try again soon...

Much Love,
Nat x